Caulk & Cake

Busy Signal

2009-09-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

My brother flew into Memphis last weekend for the football game. On the drive from the airport, as we were nearing my house, we spotted some packing peanuts floating onto the McLean.

That litter is my life.

The packing peanuts came from a box that's in my carport. The box, part of the haul I mentioned in the last post, was too heavy for me to carry into the house, so I unpacked it in the carport. And that is where the now-empty box remains. The dishes from the gumbo I made last Sunday are still in the sink, and the bills I've received remain unpaid.

And so it goes. I've been extra-busy at work, and there's little letting-up until Christmas. No projects, no-how.

A little part of me thinks I could sneak something in.

Stuffed

2009-09-04T20:01:00.000-07:00

As I was cleaning the house last Saturday, the doorbell rang. It was FedEx, and with it came four huge boxes.

My mother is moving out of my childhood city (though not my childhood home, that was years ago), and she sent me the things the family should keep — 70 years of family albums, framed photos, hand-made Christmas ornaments, etc.

I will admit the mess it brought while I was cleaning threw me for a loop. I'm desperately trying to de-clutter, to find order in my own mess, so when there was more and more and more, I did not think I could handle it.

I'm still not handling it. But, I will figure it out. I did get some very cool things. My dad's beautiful pipe collection, his Boy Scout hat, a very nice rug, a ceramic snake that looks so real you'll gasp when you see it.

My brother is coming in this weekend for the football game, but that won't deter me from projects, the chief of which being making gumbo. Pam is out of town this week, so she very generously gave me her CSA, and it has tons and tons of okra. Of course, I have to make gumbo. It's a given.

The Last King of Netflix

2009-08-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

Or perhaps I should title this one "The Curious Case of Netflix."

I have had The Curious Case of Benjamin Button disc for weeks but can't seem to watch it. I had The Last King of Scotland for something like 4 months before I finally got in the DVD player, so anytime I tarry on my Netflix, I call it Last King of Scotlanding. (BTW, TLKOS is excellent.)

In any case, I'm still sore at Netflix. I contacted them about visiting their distribution center here for the Flyer and was told that they never, ever do that. However, a representative would just happen to be in Memphis in July and that perhaps, just maybe, it would happen. And so I went prancing around telling everybody that I would soon be going home to the Mothership and lah lah lah. And so on July 1st, I open The Commercial Appeal and there's my story.

Betrayal! I'm just going to lay out the accusation and say that Netflix gave my pitch to the CA. Now, the CA's story was fine, but mine would have been much, much better. Honestly, I'm not one to brag, but this is true, or tru dat, as they say in TLKOS. (To my knowledge, that's never said.)

And now my point: There's no way I'll be watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button this weekend or address any projects. I have too much work work to do.

(Image: blogs.pcworld.com)

All Gone

2009-08-21T18:01:00.000-07:00

This awful picture was pretty much the last of my CSA.

I put beans, tomatoes, tofu, and peaches, all dribbled with olive oil and a tiny bit of Liquid Smoke, on my grill pan. The peaches were outstanding, as were the tomatoes. The tofu was a bit flavorless, and the beans were still more or less raw (should have boiled them first, I'm thinking).

This was actually from a couple weeks ago. I was supposed to pick up the final share last Wednesday, but I offered it to the person I was splitting the share with because she had been out of the country and had missed about a month. I was thinking she would say "no," and when she said "yes," I thought about taking my offer back, but what is is.

I'm feeling adrift being CSA-less, but logistics and finances made the decision for me.

Nothing local for this dish I made last Saturday. It's tofu escabeche based on the Alton Brown recipe. The marinade is cooked, then poured on already prepared protein, and chilled for an hour. It was different from anything I generally cook and very good. Easy too.

My Treat

2009-08-21T17:43:00.000-07:00

A couple months ago, Violet bit me. I had just given her a treat and had another in my hand to give Cricket. Violet, absolutely drunk with desire, went for Cricket's treat and got a mouthful of my hand.

It shocked both of us and made me swear off treats for the dogs. Violet's whole life has become about the next treat. With every shuffle in my seat, clearing of my throat, she starts jumping around and acting the fool just at the mere possibility of a treat.

I had stuck to my guns until a recent health scare with Violet had me back at the pet store. If she was going to die, she might as well be stuffed happy with Pegetables.

Thankfully, it looks like she'll be okay, so it's treats until they run out and then no more.

As for projects this weekend, it's wide-open.

A Real Mess

2009-08-14T17:40:00.000-07:00

Before I went to the movies on Sunday, I did something like six loads of laundry. I had no idea that it hadn't gotten so out of hand.

Then... I never put any of it away, and now the state of my house is way out-of-hand.

For me, laundry is my gateway to outrageous mess. I lean toward slobby anyway, but if I don't put away my laundry that leads to other things piling up -- dishes, bills, dog fur, yard work, work work.

So here I am with Sunday's laundry still sitting some three feet high on a chair next to the washer and dryer, and the dishes and the bills and the fur, etc., providing accompaniment. I could have brilliant plans for this weekend's projects, but none of it will get done until I deal with that pile.

Image: thriftyfun.com

Big

2009-08-10T16:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store to buy a few things to make pizza. I wanted a small red onion, but all the onions — white, yellow, red — were huge!

Here's a picture of Cricket to show the size. Isn't it cute that the onion matches her collar?

And just to prove to you I'm not fooling, here's one with Violet.

(I'm thinking I'll start a blog consisting solely of pictures of household pets with large produce. It will be like the one with things stacked on cats. Who's with me?!)

Then I went to see Julie & Julia with Pam, who told me about a cooking project that started bad, got worse, and ended in disaster, and that's the way, she concluded, these things always turn out.

And that is how Pam broke my oven.

When I got home, I started making the pizza crust and flubbed it by the second step. My next try ended in a sticky goo. So, I went to the store to buy a pre-made crust and then my oven wouldn't turn on.

Mind games, that's all I'm saying.

It's a (Very) Small World

2009-08-08T18:22:00.001-07:00

Earlier today, my boss forwarded me a link to a blog post about a Bulgarian woman who's married to an American (I think I've got that right).

She and her husband have bought a house just down the street. In the post, she recounts how she asked someone from MLGW how to pronounce "Mignon." And, amazingly enough, they did! I am forever telling people how to pronounce and spell this avenue.

In a strange coincidence, she follows a writer who used to work at the Flyer.

Yep. Small world.

It Never Hurts To Ask

2009-08-07T16:13:00.000-07:00

Five weeks ago, I started the Flyer's Hungry Memphis blog. I and everyone who's contributed have worked really hard to make it good, and the reports for the July traffic indicate that it's working.

Which brings me to today's topic. I didn't think that Three Six Mafia would respond to request for a Q&A, but they did, and I was so pleased with the results. (Read about it here.) And then, Pam suggested I ask for press credentials for the Southern Food & Wine Festival, which I thought they'd never give us, but they did, and we had a great time. (Read about it here, here, here, here, and here.)

On the home front, while I was off, I met with a few realtors with the idea that I might sell my house in the next few months. That's on-hold for now, as the information they gave me suggested strongly that I probably wouldn't make a profit. And so now I know.

As for this weekend's projects, I've got a bunch. Everything that I was planning on doing while off still needs doing. The fur-on-the-floor situation is out-of-control. The yard... where to begin?

I've also got the CSA to cook up. I've already made a few things, but I still have potatoes, green beans, a big tomato, a sack full of cherry tomatoes, squash, and cucumbers. I've got plans for most of these, but I'm open to suggestions. After all, it never hurts to ask.

How Sweet

2009-08-03T17:24:00.000-07:00

When I was cutting up the cucumbers for the soup, I was struck by the sweet smell. It reminded me of melon. Then I heard or read somewhere — can't remember — that cucumbers and melons are related. (Here's something that I Googled just now that gets into it. It's way too complicated for me to read.)

So, anyway, just winging it, I made the soup with the cucumbers, Greek yogurt, mint, lemon juice, and a dash or two of hot sauce for interest.

When I got around to eating the soup, it was really sweet and would easily qualify for the dessert category. I thought that maybe in the foodie universe that cucumber desserts had made the rounds, much like the bacon phenomenon did earlier.

My searches indicate otherwise. Maybe it's a trend that's coming.

If so, the pioneers include our own Chubby Vegetarian and New York Magazine.

Image: crossfitpacificcoast.com

Squash, Anyone?

2009-07-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

Goodness. All I wanted to do was make squash fritters. I've been off work this week, and because of a number of circumstances, I haven't been able to do much of what was on my project list. But, on Monday morning, I did julienne my CSA squash for the fritters … and then I was sidetracked until tonight (Thursday).

I finally got a pocket of time around 4 this afternoon to address the fritters, but first I decided to make cucumber soup from my CSA cucumbers. I was pureeing, and then the tornado came. Three hours later, I got back to the task at hand, but I was so jarred by the storm, I could not concentrate on the recipe and fouled it up badly.

But, dammit, I was determined to have fritters, so I made the fritters, if that's what you can them. Super deep-fried squash stacks may be more accurate.

They're pictured above. I made a sour cream-dijon-pepper dip for the fritters and paired them with the soup (more on that in a later post) and arugula that I left plain because if I put dressing on it I thought this meal might kill me.

I won't be around the house much this weekend, so again my projects go neglected. Don't judge. Did I mention I made squash fritters?

My Pretty

2009-07-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

Granted, the picture isn't pretty but the taste is.

(It's my camera, folks. I know a poor carpenter blames his tools, and I'm nothing if not a poor carpenter, but my camera is not good.)

This is the green bean/potato/arugula salad based on the one from Smitten Kitchen. I could not find walnuts (seriously) and totally spaced on the call for walnut oil. Instead of the walnut oil, I substituted a tablespoon of sesame oil and a tablespoon of olive oil. It's freakin' delicious.

Let's Share

2009-07-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

This week in my CSA I got potatoes, cucumbers, tomatoes, beans, mushrooms, basil, and squash.

Nothing wrong with this at all, but it's pretty much par for the course. So, I traded my mushrooms, basil, about half the beans, and mushrooms for cantaloupe and peaches from Pam.

Pam's so sweet she cut the melon before giving it to me. For the record, I just threw my part of the trade at her -- no cleaning or cutting, nothing.

I made an admittedly runny tomato sauce with the tomatoes, and that's it. I plan to make fritters with the squash and a salad with the beans and potatoes.

Gone, Baby, Gone

2009-07-23T16:49:00.000-07:00

The tree guy finally got over here to do some maintenance, and he ended up taking down a small dead tree I had in the side yard. He originally quoted me $800,000 for the job, but since I was a good customer he'd do it for $25. (Ha, ha.) I think I've paid him roughly $800,000 over the years, so we'll call it even.

It was a small tree, the stump is less than the outstretch of my palm. I was thinking about trying to take it down myself, which would have been easily doable and most certainly meant a trip to the emergency room.

Look! I found a Coke bottle buried under the oak tree and a small water pistol in one of the flower beds.

And now they are on the stump. That's art, people.

I've been so busy with work that I haven't thought about my weekend projects. The weather really calls out for working in the yard. I'm taking next week off work and will probably put together a list for a week of projects.

CSA for Dogs

2009-07-19T19:40:00.000-07:00

I had to pick up some Pill Pockets at PetStar and spotted the Pegetables on the way out. OMG, I thought, a CSA for dogs! I had to have them, even though they are pricey at $20 a bag.

They are made from vegetables and come in carrot, celery, and corn shapes. The dogs loved them.

Pictured above is Violet chewing on "corn." Cricket still refuses to have her picture taken.

Done and Done

2009-07-19T19:18:00.001-07:00

I'm splitting my CSA this season, and originally, the plan was to figure out a way to divide it each week. That was abandoned in week 3. Just wasn't feasible. So, we're now splitting it by each of us taking a whole share every other week.

That's a lot of produce for me to go through. But … but, I think I finally did it (save some herbs and a handful of green beans).

I used the remainder of my CSA on dinner tonight by mashing the few last potatoes and roasting the beans.

So, an accounting for this share: I made gazpacho with the six big tomatoes, onions, and a few cucumbers I got. I made the mu-shu dish with the mushrooms, onions, bok choy, and green beans and made the Asian cucumber side salad. I made a spicy tomato sauce with the cherry tomatoes, and then the dinner tonight. There's still a very cute head of garlic, but that will keep.

Whew! That took me roughly 10 days. I pick up my next share on Wednesday.

Trash Talk

2009-07-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago there was a sticker on my garbage can informing me the pick-up day would change to Wednesday starting some time in July. My pick-up day was Wednesday, so I thought what was the point of that sticker?

Now, in July, after two weeks of hauling the garage can down a steep driveway and waiting for two days for it to be picked up, it appears my day is Friday.

I can't believe they would toy with me like that, and, after an informal survey of my bookclub this evening, I can report that no one likes their routine so brutally altered.

And so, with my belief system shredded, my projects this weekend: Mostly, I need to concentrate on work stuff. I also have some garden beds sadly covered in leaves that need to be addressed, and I've got a bit of cleaning to do.

All of that is so ho-hum that my urge is to pick up a project grossly nonsensical. Check in later.

Good Idea in Theory

2009-07-12T18:25:00.000-07:00

Because I hadn't dirtied every dish in the house, I decided to make cookies.

My goal was to do a baklava thumbprint cookie, which now that I think of it, doesn't sound very good.

I altered the general thumbprint cookie recipe by mixing self-rising flour with almond flour. But, I think my real mistake was with the butter. The recipe calls for it to be room temperature. When I started, the butter was chilly but melty. I think this is because I had it on the counter near the stovetop, which was probably still a bit warm from the cooking I did this afternoon.

When it came time to form the cookies, the batter was sticky and greasy. In the oven, the body of the cookie wasn't really baking, but I could tell the bottoms were burning. Still, I persevered, and drizzled a honey and almond mixture on top ... until I ran out.

Pictured above are the results. I'm too scared to try them.

Identity Crisis

2009-07-12T14:56:00.000-07:00

This is a round cucumber I got with my CSA. Looks like an apple, doesn't it?

But, it's definitely a cucumber. I used it in an Asian salad from the Williams-Sonoma Vegetarian cookbook. There wasn't a recipe, just a list of ingredients. Basically, it's cucumbers dressed with about three parts rice vinegar to one part sesame oil topped with toasted sesame seeds.

I also made a mushroom and bok choy mu shu dish based on a recipe from Vegetarian Times. I say based because I took a ton of liberties. For one thing, it's supposed to be a wrap, but I didn't have any wraps. Plus, it called for carrots, which I also didn't have. I used snap peas I got from the CSA instead.

Seedy

2009-07-11T17:14:00.000-07:00

Today as I was doing paperwork I came upon a packet of seeds for Forget-Me-Nots that I had received at work as part of a PR campaign from a local charity.

That got me thinking that I have a lot of seed packets here and there. Among them: two tiny, very cute flower kits my sister gave for Christmas; two packets left over from my Chia Herb kit (marjoram and chives); and one packet of red corn poppy seeds that my brother had sent me.

(The poppy seeds have something to do with Ole Miss football. My brother also sent me a Moon Pie from the Masters golf tournament. I see this as equal parts thoughtfulness, teasing, and genetics. He knows that I plant things, and, on the other hand, knows I don't give a hoot about sports. I suspect also that he wanted the seeds out of his house. I tend to give things to people that seems generous but really I'm desperate to get rid of. And, any time I visit my mother she tends to overload me things like two whole pies, entire turkeys, half-eaten jars of peanut butter, etc. You see what I'm getting at? )

Today, I planted the whole lot. It's off-season for most now — except for the Forget-Me-Nots — so I may be (probably) doing this all for nothing.

What's the worse that could happen? I get sent more seeds? Bring it.

Dreamy

2009-07-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

Years ago the women who write "Dream Zone" — a column the Flyer used to run — visited our offices. The highlight of the visit was when one coworker confessed to having erotic dreams about another coworker. Hilarious!

Anyway, one of the writers said that when we dream about another person we're really dreaming about ourselves. Just before the Dream Zoners visit, I had a dream that I had physically assaulted Lily from Guiding Light, so this theory made sense to me. I saw her as too whiney, and I dislike that trait in myself. (To be fair, Lily was stabbed in the face, so she had reason to complain.)

And now back to the future. This morning, I dreamed that it was Monday morning and I had all these things to write and had not done a proper interview, plus I had found a dog that belonged to somebody who was friends with somebody I knew and I had let my hair air-dry so it was an extra-mess and I was having difficulty driving. I was completely stressed out when I woke up.

I'm interpreting this to mean I need some time off. But, in the meantime, my projects for the upcoming weekend involve a super-secret work project involving tequila (should be fun) and I'm about two weeks behind on planning out the rest of my life for my financial advisor. Also, I must deal with a thing that has to with ham (true!).

Sweet dreams to everybody.

Zoinks!

2009-07-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

I went to Atlanta this weekend to visit my 6-year-old nephew and 2-year-old niece. My brother and sister-in-law and my mother were there too, but they really can't compete with the cuteness.

On the Wednesday before the trip, I realized that I had Cricket and Violet boarded at a kennel just a few blocks away from a huge fireworks display. Cricket is one of those dogs that totally freaks at the sound of thunder and fireworks.

So, I tried desperately to find another kennel. I called one place they had been before, and they told me that Violet was too fat. I swore that Violet had lost weight — she's lost 15 pounds, for real! — but they weren't having it. In the end, I had to keep them at the first place, where they promised to tranq Cricket.

Kennels will usually bathe dogs gratis before you pick them up. I asked in a general way about this as I left the dogs on Friday, and I was told it depends on what they get, which to me meant "free bath." And free bath it was for $75 for the two. Outrageous!

Plus, I fear that Cricket may now be involved in an internet dog porn ring. She absolutely refused to have her picture taken for this post. She's hiding in the closet as I type this.

Gone Rogue

2009-06-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned before, I'm dependent on recipes. The problem with cooking this way, I'm discovering, is that it tends to be elaborate and time-consuming, not to mention expensive with all the ingredient-buying. It's no way to deal with a CSA at all.

So, last Saturday, I went rogue!

Using what amounts to basically guesswork, I made cabbage and kale rolls, with fried tofu, squash, and ponzu-flavored rice. Now, doesn't that sound like this guy?

I have to say, I was on to something … just not quite on it entirely. I tried to make the cabbage and kale leaves more pliable by steaming them ever-so-slightly in the microwave. Worked sort of, but, in any case, the leaves weren't really big enough to do much stuffing. Still, I persevered and tried to hold them together with toothpicks (see photo) and then I steamed the whole lot.

Didn't really work, but it was tasty.

I'll be out of pocket during the holiday weekend, which means no projects. Happy fourth!

A Page Turner

2009-06-26T19:47:00.000-07:00

From this week's CSA, I've fried up an egg and made a dip of the mushrooms. I've still got five eggs, kale, tomatoes, dill, potatoes, and cabbage.

While I was at the farmers market, I picked up some blueberries, which I used to make a dumpling dish. The recipe said to mix the flour, butter, and milk into crumbles. There was no crumble, only sticky. So I kept adding flour until I got a dough but still no crumbles.

Still, I persevered and threw it in the oven. What I got was a sweet bread-y dish with some blueberries. (See above.) I'm thinking of trying to convert into a pudding because, really, I should mess with this some more.

As for weekend plans: I've got about half a book to read for an upcoming literary supplement in the Flyer. On top of that, I've got more work stuff. I'm just glad this involves being inside where it's air-conditioned.

Full of It

2009-06-23T18:55:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite scenes in Rachel Getting Married is the dishwasher-loading contest. I can relate. I'm a crammer.

Tonight, I finally dumped all the storm-ruined condiments into the trash. I saved several jars with the thinking that I'll use them. (I'll never use them.)

I also wiped down the inside of the fridge. I wasn't going to do it, but my friend Pam said the best part of tossing everything was getting the fridge cleaned. Peer pressure.

This Isn't How It Should Be

2009-06-21T16:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday had a theme, which was: things getting on other things where they should not be.

It started when I colored my hair. The dye stained my elbow, the bathroom scale, the woodtrim and wainscotting, the shower curtain, the floor, and the sink. I did manage to get some of it on my hair as well.

Later in the afternoon, I was in a certain Midtown market, and the smell of fish was particularly intense. So much so that I carried it home with me on my clothes.

Finally, I made some marinade for tofu. I put everything in a pyrex dish, put the lid on, and gave it a shake. The lid is mostly decorative apparently, as I got marinade all over the place.

Pictured above is the dinner I made tonight. It's a grilled cheese sandwich, tangerine slices, roasted asparagus, and pureed orange cauliflower. The cauliflower, which I picked up at Easy Way, turned yellow when I steamed it.

You may notice there is no tofu. I cooked it up earlier today, sampled it, and then put it in the garbage. So it goes.

Coming Clean

2009-06-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

If I remember correctly, there was a character in The Green Mile who would suck up the disease and evil in a cloud of moths.

Does this guy make house calls? I really need him to make a go at my kitchen cabinet containing all my baking goods.

About a year ago, that cabinet got infested. I tossed everything and cleaned it out, but I still have a few moths, and they are insidious.

Over the past several months, I've been buying airtight containers whenever I see them on sale (they're expensive!). My goal this weekend is to transfer all my flours, sugars, rices, etc. into those containers. I also plan to clean my attic.

Basically, this is spring cleaning — a task I've never, ever completed in full. In theory, if I finish by Sunday, I will have finally met this goal. On the other hand, it strikes me as unfair that no one ever lauds the other seasons' cleaning. Perhaps I should take it easy in protest.

The Big One

2009-06-18T18:41:00.000-07:00

The big oak tree at the side of my house wants to kill children. The guy I hire to trim it has told me as much. He said one day a big limb was going to fall and death would follow.

At the time I was told this, it struck me as highly unlikely — and, really, since the child wouldn't be mine, what's it to me? (As a side note, it must have been around this time that my mother was complaining to me that all her children want her for is money and that she should go ahead and die so we could have it. I invited her to come hang out under the tree!)

But then one day, a limb — tree-sized itself — fell on the patio just where the dogs and I had been seconds earlier. And with Hurricane Elvis and now Hurricane Lisa Marie, I'm scared I'm just a Hurricane George Klein away from destruction. I practically poop my pants whenever the wind blows hard. I was telling my financial adviser as much, and she said that it's really how soaked the roots are that determine if a tree will fall. She should know, right?

The Next Episode

2009-06-16T18:31:00.000-07:00

I was going to use a quote from the Dr. Dre/Snoop Dogg song, but it's way too graphic, and interestingly enough, has nothing to do with this post.

And that is: There's a new Flyer food blog called Hungry Memphis.

If you make your voice heard, there may be something in it for you.

(Image: pbase.com)

Glory Be

2009-06-14T18:20:00.000-07:00

What light on yonder DVD player breaks?

Just when I was in full-pout mode after 2-plus days without power, I noticed the light coming on on the DVD player. Speed records were set when I ran to turn on the air conditioner.

Hope you and yours and your things made it out okay. My only casualties were a fridge full of food, a flower pot, and any idea that I would try to complete a project this weekend.

I did trim up some decorative trees that were touching a power line. I was worried I'd be electrocuted if I tried to cut them while the lines were juiced, so I took advantage of the outage.

In the Bag

2009-06-09T19:14:00.000-07:00

This evening I gathered about 5 pounds of partially eaten apples from my back yard. Darn squirrels! I'd like to have a go at the fruit myself, but I've never had the chance.

When I came home from work this afternoon, there was an unfamiliar garbage bag at the curb. I didn't think anything of it and then I did think of it a lot. It's heavy, smelly, has some liquid gathering at the bottom, some flies lingering … So several hours later, I called MPD and told them there might be a body in that bag, probably not, I just didn't want to be the jerk who didn't say anything. Plus, my DNA was all over that bag from yanking at it and kicking it.

So 3 very nice officers came over. One of them yanked and kicked at the bag and declared it garbage. And that's that.

Hands Up and Step Away from the Stove

2009-06-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

My plan to use up the items taking up space in my freezer turned into a day of kitchen disasters.

First up: spinach custard, using ramekins and a water bath. I got water all over the oven putting them in and, once they were done, could not figure out how to remove the ramekins individually from the bath — as the recipe recommends to avoid burns — rather than taking the pan from the oven (which is what I eventually did).

Second up: vegan coconut pie. The recipe is not vegan, but the only milk I had was soy and I have a wealth of Earth Balance. I also have for egg-replacer an almost full bag of flax seed … with a wiggly green worm.

Third: I tossed much of what was in the freezer, including a bag with a handful of shriveled up blueberries. Never underestimate a bag with a handful of shriveled up blueberries. Juice got all over the countertop and stovetop and into a drawer.

Fourth: I also made ice cream that, as of now, doesn't appear to be setting.

Fifth: While the custards turned out fine, they're really too gooey for me, so I put one ramekin's worth in a pan and seared it. I topped it with basil and arugula from my container garden. For an extra bit of protein, I decided to de-thaw a tofu steak. They come two to a package, and I could not pry them apart. So, I put the steaks under the kitchen faucet. Is there anything more delicious-sounding than wet tofu steak? In any case, that didn't work. They eventually separated in the frying pan.

I haven't had one bite of it. I've completely lost my appetite.

The Big Chill

2009-06-05T17:33:00.000-07:00

There's a fine bit of comedy in this response from the marketing person for the area Burger King franchisee who thinks global warming is "baloney." Within is obfuscation, sarcasm, and defiance. All things I hold dear.

And now, from warming to freezing, comes my plans for the weekend. My goal is to clean out the freezer mainly from preparing dishes from its chilly depths. I've got half a bag of spinach, a bag and a half of peas, some beans from last summer's CSA, two pie crusts, a lot of blueberries, half a loaf of rye bread, an amazing amount of both flour and corn tortillas, a few unidentifiable baggies of dishes I made long ago, and much more. I'm thinking a lot of this will have to be tossed.

Pictured above defrosting in the fridge, is a baggie of vindaloo and those salty biscuits I made near the beginning of this blog.

True Confessions

2009-06-02T18:26:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to make a decent stir fry.

Sunday Not My Fun Day

2009-05-31T15:42:00.000-07:00

I had big plans for today. I was going to do all my writing for this week's paper, cook up a storm, do some much-needed cleaning, and otherwise be productive.

It's now almost 6 p.m., and I've done hardly anything. For this I blame Hee-Haw. I'm totally justified in feeling this way. Do not question me.

I remember a time before cable TV. On Sundays, there was Hee-Haw, with its creepy twins and loose fence board slapping someone in the a**. These were indeed the dark ages. Once Hee-Haw was done, there was no other choice but to do the schoolwork due on Monday.

I've been avoiding Hee-Haw the entire day.

What's Done Is Done

2009-05-30T14:47:00.000-07:00

The garage sale finally happened. I made $84.75.

At one point, I thought that if everything sold, which I didn't think it would, I would take in roughly $400. But at the sale, looking over all my stuff, I realized I had only about $200 worth of goods.

I sold around 65 percent of it, with one box going to Goodwill, another box making its way to an antique booth, and the remainder of it being bartered for some stuff my friend had.

One of the first things that sold was a plant stand/cabinet I made* in a woodworking class. I am sad to report that none of coconut art collection sold, and only five paintings in my paint-by-number collection sold. Until Memphians learn to recognize fine art, this city will not move forward.

BTW, that money shot above is half my haul. On the way home, I made it rain at Whole Foods.

*The teacher really made it.

I Saw the Light

2009-05-29T17:30:00.000-07:00

… at the end of the tunnel. I'm getting very close to finishing cleaning up this area around the massive, gorgeous oak tree at the side of my house. (Beginning stages in this post.)

This is, pretty much, 7 years in the making. The vines had covered the stepping stones and the railroad ties and were creeping into the driveway. I have a guy who has a crew of guys mow and edge the yard. He[they] does not touch anything that is not grass, but he[they] does do a surprise (to me, anyway) seasonal clean-up. After the last clean-up in the fall, I made him[and not they] come back. I pointed to this area and said, "Shock and awe."

So there was a bit of weed-eater action, and now, I've spent the last three weeks pulling up vines.

This much I know: the vines will be back.

This weekend, my main project is to stay out of the yard, and I have plenty to do otherwise. I'll finally be having that garage sale, and with the proceeds, I plan to buy more stuff to replace the stuff sold in the garage sale. I'm hoping to cook up the remainder of my CSA, and because of a particularly hectic short week, I have a day's worth of my actual work work to do.

All This and Sugar Peas

2009-05-27T17:20:00.000-07:00

I am an American't. A champion sigher and eye-roller, a complainer of no limits.

This morning, I was talking to Simone about today's CSA. We're splitting a full share, and, originally, we had decided to figure out some way to divvy up the goods. That wasn't working, so we're trading off weeks, with her getting the full share one week, me getting it the next. Today is the first day I got the full share.

During this morning's conversation, I had mentioned to Simone that I may be dropping off some produce at her house during my weeks. She told me I could handle a full share. I said I can't. She said I can. Can't can't can't was my reply. (Foot-stomping would have been good here, but she wasn't there to appreciate it, so why expend the energy?)

Despite my fussing, I think I can manage this week's very sweet haul: shiitake mushrooms, sugar peas, peaches, a salad kit, 2 tomatoes, herbs, a jar of blackberry preserves, strawberries, radishes, endive, and some pungent baby garlic.

What should I make?

Couscous Too

2009-05-25T17:07:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday morning I was talking to my friend Pam who mentioned she made a wonderful couscous dish the night before.

Later that afternoon, I met up with my friend Amy and her son. Amy gave me a copy of her church's community cookbook along with a baggie of "Saltine Toffee." Coincidentally, Amy's recipe was for a couscous dish.

What this meant to me was that I had to couscous too, which I did tonight, using Amy's recipe. I had some difficulty with the preparation. I don't think I had the right curry paste, and the couscous didn't absorb all the liquid, which I'm not sure it's supposed to.

Also, as I was making Amy's cucumber yogurt dip, I used a tablespoon rather than a teaspoon to add the lemon juice. A rookie mistake, but I'm a rookie who tends to make mistakes.

I also whipped up some of that addictive, salty-sweet toffee (the recipe is in the church cookbook), which is now setting up in the freezer.

Sound the Alarm!

2009-05-23T16:03:00.000-07:00

There are 3 curious things I've found in my yard this week.

The aforementioned bone/not-bone. What the h*ll is it?

This odd bunching of leaves. It's perfectly spherical. I'm guessing it's a nest of some kind, but there isn't any visible entry or sign that it's been used as such. What the h*ll is it?

This hole. About an inch around bigger than my fist and several inches deep, may or may not have tunnels. Does Memphis have gophers? Do rats burrow? What the h*ll is it?

Circle of Life

2009-05-22T14:57:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, my family had a fishing camp. We got rid of it when I was pretty young, so I don't remember much other than the tiny mouse poop in the trailer home, our dog getting stuck under that trailer, and the loads of honeysuckle and wild berry vines that took over the property and my dad trying to get it under control. I'm guessing the property was sold because it was too much work.

And now I'm deja-vu-ing. Pictured above are wild berries that are growing in my yard. (I've got honeysuckle too.) I initially had it in my head that I would let them do their thing, and I would eat the results. But these guys are maniacally popping up everywhere, and I'm sensing a mutiny. So I made like Samuel L. Jackson in Snakes on a Plane (only with more expletives) and pulled most of the vines ups, leaving a few to harvest in the naive notion that the birds won't get to them first.

As for projects over this long weekend: At the risk of sounding like a broken record, it all depends on the weather. Rain is forecasted for the entire 3 days, so my friend and I decided to forget about the garage sale. I'd like to do some cooking, maybe get the grill put together. I'm also considering making another go at my deck with the power washer since it goes back next week. Work in the yard. Clean the house … Etc., and to infinity, rinse and repeat.

Unspeakable

2009-05-18T17:02:00.000-07:00

On Friday, my friend and I decided to call off the garage sale, and so, of course, there was no rain. (Don't tell her because her head might explode, but JAM-JAM1 told me yesterday that the extended forecast was for rain next Saturday, which would be our second make-up date.)

Instead on Saturday, Violet and I met up with another friend and her 3-year-old son for lunch and a romp through the dog park at Shelby Farms, where I saw a dog do something unspeakable in one of the lakes.

On Sunday, I spent 3 1/2 hours power-washing my patio and deck. The patio looks great. The deck looks just a little less gray.

Before:

After:

Following that, I mucked about pulling up some vines, and then I came upon a half-buried cloth, yanked on it, and disinterred someone's pet! Or, at least, that was what I thought when this thing came up with the cloth.

I now believe otherwise, but I am pretty certain I've dug up the one thing keeping my house upright.

I Bow to the Masters

2009-05-15T13:42:00.000-07:00

This bit of guerilla knitting — the first I've seen in Memphis — is a "pole cozy." It's outside of a cafe down the street from where I live, and it's very, very cool. Part of it is cabled, there's a section of checkerboard, and there's even a Batman logo.

As a knitter who's never gotten beyond the scarf, I'm impressed by the level of skill and the piece's humor and creativity. That is to say, I am absolutely eaten up with bitter, bitter envy.

Regarding this weekend's projects, I'm in limbo. The garage sale scheduled for a couple weeks ago was cancelled because of rain. All this week, my friend (with whom I'm holding the sale) and I went back and forth about whether it's going to rain tomorrow as well. The garage sale's on. It's off. On. Off. On. Off. Right now, I'm still not sure.

I could continue to pull up more vines, but that depends on the weather. I could use the power washer I borrowed, but that depends on the weather. I have tentative plans to meet a friend and her son at a park, but that depends on the weather.

You see what I'm saying?

Cat in a Dress

2009-05-14T17:13:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I was at a party hosted by my friends Simone and Eric, who had recently had their first son. A guest arrived with a gift bag, and in that gift bag was a hand-sewn diaper bag and in that diaper bag was a hand-knit baby blanket. As the last item was revealed, another guest leaned over and groaned in my ear, "Did she make the paper bag too?"

The moral of the story is that one can be too adorably craftsy.

I'm there, people.

On Tuesday night, I made Simone a birthday cake. It was a technically difficult cake, calling for simultaneous butter-browning and egg-whipping (the writer mentions how she whipped her eggs in a professional stand mixer, saying a commercial stand mixer will take longer — I've got a hand mixer). Plus, the edges were overdone and parts of the cake stuck to the pan, so I had to cut it up into pieces, not the loveliest of presentations.

Simone is a world-class baker, and I had a dilemma: Give her this below-par cake and work it's-the-thought-that-counts angle or simply abandon the cake plan and buy her something.

Can you guess what I did? Can you?

I gave her the cake! Certainly, it was the un-friend-ly call, but the cake is Simone's problem now, isn't it? (Happy birthday, Simone, and sorry!)

Here's the too adorable part: Also on Tuesday, I worked on the finishing touches of this cat in a dress I made for my niece's birthday. It was my first go at a stuffed cat … and a dress for a stuffed cat or otherwise.

Isn't it cute? (Please kill me now.)

King Kong Ain't Got Sh*t On Me

2009-05-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

The rain kept me mostly out of the yard this weekend, but not before I dug up these babies. These are what I consider the "mother ship" of the vines I've been pulling up -- huge roots, which I dug up using a spade, a saw, and sheer will. Obviously, the occasion calls for me putting the roots on a spike and tromping around and scaring the h*ll out of the rest of the vines.

On Thursday, I sauteed the kale and radish leaves in garlic and lemon, and, boy, was it good. (I was worried about the radish leaves because they were spiky.)

Over the weekend, I made fried rice using a recipe from my CSA farmer.

Then I made a birthday cake for Pam. It's the coconut/lemon bundt cake from Veganomicon.

And then (can you stand it?) I made tempeh and grits from Bryant Terry's Vegan Soul Kitchen.

The Remains of the Day

2009-05-08T16:02:00.000-07:00

Or, more accurately, in regards to the picture at left, the remains of yesterday. A group project at work has made this week particularly meat-filled for me.

Coincidentally, I became a vegetarian sometime during this same week (I can't remember which day) six years ago. So, I bought myself a patio Weber grill as a little present.

As for my weekend projects: on Saturday, I want to take 3 garden chairs and a few other things down to the Metal Museum to donate to the Junkyard Memphis museum. I also really need to get the oil changed in my car and have the tires checked. Both these tasks depend on me getting up and out the door early, so I have low expectations.

My main goals are to finish pulling up vines in a side yard and do a secret baking project on Sunday.

What I've done so far:

What I have to do:

My Love/Hate Relationship

2009-05-06T19:06:00.000-07:00

I love you, CSA. You make me cook better, smarter, healthier. And then there's the good vibes about supporting local farmers.

I hate you, CSA. You make me cook way more than I care to and eat things I may not be in the mood for. And then there's the guilt about throwing unused produce away.

Simply put, I've got mixed feelings.

But today being the first of my particular CSA season, I'm pumped by the possibilities. My share included radishes, kale, lettuce, shiitake mushrooms, rosemary, cilantro, and tomatoes the farmer canned last season. What should I make?

One and Done

2009-05-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

When it comes to projects, I'm like a John Calipari recruit — one and done. This is why I've never really gotten into the domestic arts of cooking, gardening, and cleaning. It's the upkeep that gets me.

I particularly dislike cleaning, which is why I have a vast array of cleaning products. I'm looking for the magic bullet.

My latest purchase was for this dog-fur removal-thingy, which I searched high and low for after I saw the commercial. It promised to remove fur from upholstery. Such sweet, sweet words.

It works okay, just like many of the similar products I've been seduced by. A damp rag works just fine too.

City Folks

2009-05-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

Back in 2002, shortly after I bought the house, I heard the tub burping whenever I did a load of laundry. I decided I was imagining things, even though the dogs barked furiously at the noise. When the burping produced dirt, I could no longer ignore it, so I called one of those Roto-guys, and then I called them again and again. A video camera produced the worse news: My plumbing system had collapsed.

Now here comes Rusty the Plumber. Rusty told me that the original terra cotta pipes had been destroyed over the last 85 years by roots, but wasn't it great that they had served this long? Since I had only been in the house for mere months, I whined terribly that they hadn't done cr*p for me. (No pun intended.) He replaced the pipes and told me something I should have never heard: From now on, all clogs were the city's responsibility.

So now it's in my head: city city city. A week ago, my tub burped yet again, and I called the city. The first call had me back on the phone with Rusty to have him remove the cap from the clean-out pipe. The second call had me flushing the toilet and then running out to peer into the pipe to see what was happening. Nothing was happening I told them, and then they told me that it was my problem, so I told them that that's not what Rusty said. And when I consulted with Rusty, he told me they were right after all.

Sorry, city folks. I was wrong.

(And just in case you think otherwise, Rusty is an awesome plumber, and I'd recommend him to everybody. This is simply me "A Few Good Men"-ing and not being able to handle the truth.)

As for projects this weekend, it's wide-open. I have the garage sale tomorrow, if rain doesn't shut it down. I need to do a bit of cleaning around the house, and I want to start on a present for my niece who turns 2 in June. I also want to do some cooking. I don't feel like I've cooked in ages.

Let It Go

2009-04-30T16:19:00.000-07:00

I once read the definition of hoarding as putting a sentimental value on something that couldn't possibly have it. I know a thing or two about that.

I also know that it extends to keeping things just because "they may be useful one day." (They never are.) Furthermore, some hoarders take up collecting meaningless items on a lark.

All this to say: It's garage sale time!

Bloom's Off the Rose

2009-04-26T18:38:00.001-07:00

My friend Pam is an azalea bigot. She thinks they're ubiquitous and boring. Crazy talk, right?

I, on the other hand, judge each plant individually, and the one I have a particular disdain for is a rose vine that grows in one of my beds. It's a poor performer (pictured is its single bloom, while the same vine in another part of the yard is covered in roses); it's always poking me in the rear and scratching up my arms whenever I work in that bed; and it constantly shifts itself — ties and trellises, be damned — right in front of the gate to the carport, so I often find myself doing the limbo to get in and out of the gate to avoid getting a thorn in the eyeball.

Usually on Sunday I cook up something. Today, however, I spent much of the day working in the yard and then I went to a cooking class taught by this guy. (Cooking classes are the best classes of all because you get to eat!)

Much of the yard work involved raking up and bagging debris and pulling up vines. Again with the vines! This place is absolutely choked with them. I thought I might turn a negative into a positive and start a vine farm, but someone told me that probably wouldn't fly.

Somebody Call a Doctor

2009-04-25T13:33:00.000-07:00

At some point, the previous owners of my house renovated the kitchen and installed the old countertop and cabinets in the garden shed.

They did a good job, as there is both cabinetry above and below. It was opening one of the upper cabinets, as I was attempting to do a paint inventory today, that I came to diagnose my paint amnesia. There were two cans of paint, a jar of gunk-removing hand soap, and a big bucket of "natural" paint remover. I know that one of those paint cans and the paint remover are mine, and I have no memory of putting them there.

It's a lingering illness with a number of symptoms — one of them being that I'm absolutely drawn, never failing, to pick this awful brown color. I chose it for my bedroom — I remember showing a paint chip to a coworker who said it looked like baby diarrhea — and hating it immediately. And, then some years later, I chose the same color for my den.

BTW, I successfully dropped off paint at the recycling center last week, and they told me something interesting. Empty cans and cans with dried paint can be double-bagged and left on the curb. (Some of my load were empty cans and dried paint. I asked if I couldn't just leave it all there, and handed the guy a can of dried paint. He said no, and handed it back to me. I said, Okay, and handed the can back to him(!). He rolled his eyes and put the can straight back into my car. Can't pull a fast one on those guys. Don't even try it.)

I'm wondering now what should stop me from opening all the cans of cast-off paint and letting them dry out, all in an effort to avoid the trek to Shelby Farms. I suspect that doing this would make me a number-one a-hole.

I'm okay with that.

Goodbye To You

2009-04-23T17:24:00.000-07:00

This one makes me a little sad. Tonight I was making "poicamole" — a green pea dip — when I came to the conclusion that I'm going to have to toss my blender. All it does now is basically get very hot and stir a little, tiny bit.

I have a dear friend who used to move constantly, and I was the recipient of many a toss-off. I have her dining room table, countless knick-knacks, and, for a few more minutes, this blender. I'm guessing it's at least 20 years old. Let it be known, it pureed a good puree.

I've seen on reality TV that this is the moment that I should pour a drink — in this case, the dip — on the floor in recognition of a lost comrade. That's not going to happen.

On my to-do list this weekend is cleaning the attic, organizing my tool shed, and maybe, hopefully, getting a few things planted in the "grave" area.

Say Hello To My Little Friend

2009-04-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

I took this picture when it snowed last month. I don't like birds that much, but I love this guy.

He taps on the window of my office at my house every single day, no matter the weather. I suspect he's attracted to his reflection. Who would blame him? He's so very handsome.

I would like to feed him, give him a little treat, though obviously he's just fine without me. I did a bit of digging to find a Memphis bird-watching group, to no avail. I was pointed to the Tennessee Ornithological Society, which is having a big meeting in Nashville in early May. There's no chance I'll be attending, but I do plan to explore their site and maybe get a few ideas.

In the meantime, my bird deserves a name …

Book Your Flight

2009-04-19T16:01:00.001-07:00

My friend Paul said that if I made homemade Girl Scout cookies that he would come for a visit. So there we go!

For the record, the deal was that I would make homemade Girl Scout cookies AND homemade Cheetos, but since the recipe for the Cheetos is basically fried polenta sprinkled with cheese, I figured I could handle that one easily enough.

Also, for the record, there was nowhere in our agreement that these things actually had to taste good, which is to say that these Thin Mint-esque cookies are edible enough but nothing really to write home about, much less blog.

I did a little bit of everything this weekend, though nothing got quite completed. I did drop off the paint and clean up my shed. I went to the plant sale and bought a bunch of herbs ('cause let's face it, that Chia collection I've got going is trash-bound). Did a little cleaning, gathered up more stuff for the garage sale, and tore up the vegetable garden.

I've also got some bread dough rising. Expectations are low for this one, as I was pretty sloppy putting it together.

Oh, well. You lose some and you lose some.

Foolishness

2009-04-17T15:49:00.000-07:00

This is what it sounds like when doves cry, or as Niecy Nash of Clean House would say, foolishness.

I'm not going to lie. I'm a pretty big slob, but my tool shed has gotten beyond a point where I can tolerate it. It's filled with paint cans, garden tools strewn hither and yon, an Obama/Biden yard sign I never fail to trip over, two bed frames, a mirror, painting thing-ys, a child's garden shovel(!), newspapers, and who knows what else. Foolishness.

One of my goals this weekend is to get it cleaned up, but I have to admit I'm not feeling very motivated right now. I would much rather read and watch TV. But as the point of this blog is to keep me focused, here are my projects: clean the house, finish gathering up things for the garage sale, do some baking, and un-do the vegetable garden I planted last spring.

Two auxiliary goals are making a second attempt to drop off paint at the recycling center and stop by the plant sale at the Botanic Garden. I thought about going to the plant sale this morning, but I really needed to get to work so I could talk to a lady about rocks. (Seriously, and she was hilarious, btw.)

As Seen on TV

2009-04-16T15:44:00.000-07:00

This guy tells me that he'll open a cookbook, scan a recipe, and then close the book and do his own thing. That's not me. I need my hand held from start to finish.

A majority of things I've been cooking lately have come from recipes I've gotten from Googling. The biscuits and the buttermilk pie I made were an attempt to use up the buttermilk I bought for the blueberries and dumplings dish I whipped up at the start of this blog.

So this is the part of the program where I mention foodnetwork.com. Those biscuits I made called for a tablespoon of salt, which struck me as a lot. I cut the amount a tiny bit, and, still those suckers were salty. (I threw the biscuits in the freezer with the idea of making stuffing or some sort of bread-salad-y thing and then adding no salt — and we all know that this will never happen.)

And so this is the part of the program where I mention that I e-mailed foodnetwork.com and told them there was too much salt in that recipe and blah-de-blah, bloop-de-bloop. I hit "send" and then I e-mailed them again with a few more thoughts about that pie — another foodnetwork.com recipe — and how silly it was that it called for a 10-inch pie crust when everybody knows that 9-inch is standard. (For the record, I actually do not know this.)

They haven't responded to my complaints as of yet. I'm interpreting this as deep shame over having cheated me out of 4 cups of flour and a 9-inch pie crust. Or, perhaps, they don't respond to cranks. There's that, too.

Biscuits for Everybody

2009-04-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what forecast I heard on Friday calling for a full weekend of rain. Must have been for another city. With Saturday sunny, it was back to Plan A, which was to work in the yard.

I cleaned up the front yard for about an hour and then loaded some 15 cans of leftover paint to take to the recycling place at Shelby Farms. So out I drove and there I was and it was closed for the holidays.

(My original plan was to leave the paint in the car to take next weekend, but a friend said that I would then most certainly be in a wreck and go up in a fiery blaze. At the time that sounded preferable to going all the way back out there, but then I remembered there would be nobody to bold-face the astrology signs in Free Will Astrology. I DO make a difference!)

When I got back home, I raked up six bags of leaves from the back of my house, and then I made biscuits.

It's Like This, Is It?

2009-04-10T14:00:00.000-07:00

Pictured is my Chia cilantro. It should have been done germinating by this point, but this doesn't seem to be the case. Nothing hurts so bad as to be led on by Chia products.

On the list this weekend was cleaning up the yard — that's Cricket at right passing a pile of debris I pulled from one of the flower beds — but it doesn't look like the weather is going to allow it. (Thumbs up, God!) I've got several home projects I could address this weekend, like doing some touch-up painting. We'll see.

A Grave Situation

2009-04-07T16:01:00.000-07:00

In the past, when people have come over to the house and spotted this little strip of yard, I've been asked, "Is that a grave?"

So know this: that joke's been joked. And also this: I'm not 100% certain if it's a grave or not. My guess is that it isn't, but I cannot say for sure there aren't bodies for days down there. (I'd be okay with corpses, provided it wouldn't mean a civic nightmare. When I was originally looking to buy my house, someone told me — mistakenly — that it was the recent site of a suicide-by-police. My heart raced at the thought!)

This area has always been a riddle to me. It's almost always shady. There's a very cute birdbath, an azalea bush that desperately needs more sun, a few unidentifiable plants, and a producing apple tree (urban foragers, come at it).

The previous owners had put down some plastic sheeting and covered the area with pebbles. My thought is to transplant the hydrangea bush in the front that is suffering from too much sun into this area and re-site the azalea somewhere else, remove the railroad ties, and put in a few shade-loving plants.

It's loads of work, and I need to study up on it. But I have to say, I'm liking the challenge. Bring it!

I'm a Believer

2009-04-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

One of the dishes I requested from my personal chef was the potato gnocchi with spinach, mushroom, and goat cheese sauce.

I'm an avid reader of food blogs and keep up with Top Chef as much as I can as a person without Bravo. I know that gnocchi was THE thing at one point and may be a cliche or passe or one of those "say" things by now, but I had never tried it.

What a revelation!

I've heard it's pretty tricky to master, so I probably won't be trying my hand at it anytime soon, but maybe, maybe ...

It's Pie

2009-04-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

This hasn't been the most productive weekend for me, but I did make pie!

Waterworks

2009-04-03T17:55:00.000-07:00

Oh my. It was a big day.

In the morning, I was greeting my personal chef. Later at work, at the end of the day, it was sheets of water from busted pipes leading to a water heater from the apartments above the Flyer offices.

All told, well, I can't tell what's all told now. What a scene!

In the meantime, we've got my list of weekend projects. Chief among them is sorting through stuff for a garage sale, re- re-caulking the tub (it's a mess), and putting a dent in the book that's next up for discussion in my bookclub.

Recession Is for Suckers: Meet My Personal Chef!

2009-04-03T15:28:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to be nonchalant when you're bragging?

This morning, I sauntered up to a coworker and said, "My personal chef is at my house right now. Do you think she's in my bed, like under the cover and blankets?

I could tell he was eaten up with jealously because he said to me, "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

Last Christmas, my brother and sister bought me the services of a personal chef. Certainly I've mentioned it once or twice and once or twice again. "My personal chef." Sounds grand, doesn't it?

Her name is Carol, and her business is called A Thought for Food. The gift certificate got me either 5 entrees or 3 entrees with 3 sides. I was given a selection of meals, and even though my being a vegetarian narrowed this down a bit, the list was pages and pages long.

I opted for the 3/3. I chose 2 and had her surprise me with the third. On the menu: potato gnocchi with spinach and goat cheese sauce with a side of chickpea, artichoke, and romaine salad; farfalle with Shiitake mushrooms and roasted tofu with spicy peanut sauce and garlic ginger greens for the side; and (the surprise) curried lentil burritos with cilantro and scallion-spiced yogurt and a side of butternut squash soup with ginger and jalapeno.

It works like this: She is required by law to prepare food on-site, so she arrived this morning with loads and loads of grocery bags (all reusable — awesome) and at least four rolling suitcases full of equipment. The only things she uses of mine are the stove, microwave, and oven.

When I returned home this evening, the house smelled absolutely heavenly. I can't wait to dig in.

Gimme 3

2009-04-01T20:01:00.000-07:00

It's been brought to my attention that I've been neglecting Cricket on "Caulk & Cake." This a blog about my projects, and while tending to Cricket had definitely been consuming my time recently, this is no longer the case.

This is good news.

In late December, a tumor was spotted on Cricket's foot. In short it involved two surgeries to amputate two toes, two cones (she broke one), much wrestling to spray and bandage the foot, and multiple vet visits. She's done with that for the time-being and hopefully forever.

Last month, on the eve of that wonderful weekend of snow we had, the fusebox on my house burned out the computer board on the heating unit. The entire fusebox had to be replaced, as did the computer board. It was a full weekend of repairs. $1,450.

Cricket still had her cone on at that time, and perhaps I shouldn't be admitting this, but I did try to play the "cancer card." Look at my poor pitiful dog, I was implying. Have mercy on me and my checkbook.

Nobody went for it. Thanks for nothing, Cricket.

Germination

2009-04-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

Last summer I decided that buying herbs at the grocery store was for the birds, so I planted a mini herb garden in the window boxes along my back deck. Cilantro, basil, oregano, lemon-mint — all of it grew and none of it thrived. Even the mint, the alpha herb, grew brown.

I was at Walgreens last week when I saw the Chia herb kit on sale for half-price.

It's a fool's errand, to be sure, but here we go. Pictured above is basil. It's all about the germination now.

Look-y Here

2009-03-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

This is a blueberry and dumpling dessert I made this afternoon in a skillet on the stovetop. Doesn't that sound delicious and adorable?

It's a Martha Stewart recipe I grabbed from the internet.

My Precious

2009-03-28T15:25:00.000-07:00

My dog Violet loves me like a stalker. I can't appreciate it more.

For a while, when my brother greeted Violet he would say, "My precious," and rub his hands together. This is a reference to Lord of the Rings and Golom. It has something to do with Violet's slightly buggy eyes.

One of the things I was planning to do this weekend is give Violet a bath. The tub-caulking has delayed this chore. (Score one for caulk!) And the reason I was planning to give her a bath — something I've been paying others to do — is because of her excessive shedding. It is her number-one talent.

Lately, maybe due to the weather change, she's been leaving clumps of fur here and there. I've been brushing her like mad every day. I sit on the kitchen floor and brush her for about 20 minutes. She loves the attention until she doesn't and goes wandering off. The resulting pile of fur looks like I've shorn a sheep.

There is something I can do with this output.

Tilex Is Not a Toy!

2009-03-28T14:52:00.000-07:00

I just finished one of the items on the list: re-caulking the tub.

I love caulk for the way it can cover up the gaps of uneven woodwork. But I hate to caulk the tub — an exercise in frustration that is messy and uneven and ends up looking bad.

The reason I had to do this task is because of Tilex. (Read: me. Guns don't shoot people ... you know the rest.) The bottle says to spray until the mildew stains disappear, so I sprayed sprayed sprayed. Big fun! Then the caulk wrinkled up and died.

I asked someone I considered a caulking expert — a plumber? the guy who put in the bathroom tiles? — to tell me the secret. It's easy, he said, just squeeze on the caulk and wet your finger and run it through.

That's what I did, and it looks bad.

Lists

2009-03-27T17:31:00.001-07:00

By way of introduction, my name is Susan, and I work for a newsweekly called The Memphis Flyer. I edit the lifestyle section, encompassing dining, books, theater, travel, etc. — all those things that generally and happily don't get you sued (though there have been a few threats).

In my spare time, I fix up the house I bought 7 years ago in the Vollintine-Evergreen District, cook, and deal with my two dogs, Cricket and Violet. "Caulk & Cake" will record my progress, or lack thereof, on various projects. I plan to post about 3 times a week.

I'm a relative newcomer to lists, but come to rely on them. In the picture, the list from a couple of weeks ago reads, "Attic, Shed, Trim, Bathroom." This shorthand means I want to clean out the attic and my toolshed (not done), replace some trim I removed two years ago (done!), and clean the bathroom (done!). I usually have about 20 items on a list for each weekend. If I'm lucky, I may finish 3.

On my list this weekend: do taxes, caulk the tub, give Violet a bath, take paint cans to the recycling center, and cook on Sunday.

Wish me luck and tune in later.